The deathly hallows, part 2.

Hewlett Packard and the Toner of Secrets, illustration by Will Posner

(Much like the movie described herein, this post will make a lot more sense if you read the first part.)

So I live-tweeted my viewing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. I was hesitant to even watch it when I was offered a ticket, having reveled to some degree in the cultural anti-cachet of having remained quite ignorant about one of the defining fictional universes of the last decade.

Though I still don’t really understand the canon of Harry Potter, I find that since watching this movie and (having had much of the jargon explained to me) that I understand the Twitterverse/blogosphere a little better – it makes a kind of sense to me now when someone calls Rebekah Brooks one of Rupert Murdoch’s horcruxes.

What follows below are the complete tweets of that night. Please forgive any typos; much of this was written in a crowded movie theater on a BlackBerry with the aid/obstacle of Christina’s summer cardigan laying over the screen. (Seriously, RIM, make a BlackBerry ad that involves tweeting snarkily in a dark movie theater filled with emotionally attached fans – with pretty minimal typos – and the halo of touchscreens will dim.)

Also, the following tweets will probably make more sense if you’re watching the movie backwards. And SPOILER ALERT, obvs:

15 Jul But first an escalator. #hp

15 Jul And going to find cabs. #hp

15 Jul All 8 theaters let out the same movie at the SAME TIME. #hp

15 Jul @mrknight9 Thanks for the spellcheck and background. #hp

15 Jul Is the second half of the book better than the second half of the movie? #hp

15 Jul THE END. #hp

15 Jul Frog on the window why? #hp

15 Jul Is the sorting hat not made by Diebold then? #hp

15 Jul Apparently nobody ages well. #hp

15 Jul 19 years what? #hp

15 Jul There goes the world’s best cricket bat. #hp

15 Jul All that damage didn’t touch the cafeteria. Convenient. #hp

15 Jul Death by eczema. #hp

15 Jul Don’t cross the streams via Ghostbusters. #hp

15 Jul Mid air weapon decision via Point Break. #hp

15 Jul “Not my daughter, you bitch.” And more applause. #hp

15 Jul If that were a real lightsaber fight, they’d owe Lucasflim some money. #hp

15 Jul Get mad, shoot fire. Oh, and Harry’s alive again, for reasons passing understanding. #hp

15 Jul How has long blond hair made this many unironic appearances? And the name Draco for that matter? And awkwaaaaard hug. #hp

15 Jul No-Nose couldn’t sell me a new Audi, let alone himself as the head of a religion. #hp

15 Jul Fair isle sweater continues in a land where no one can bear children. #hp

15 Jul Fyi Harry Potter est mort. #hp

15 Jul @nowowl: “Is this real life? Is this forever?” #hp

15 Jul And wrong about the dead, living, and love. And what does his mother’s tequila have a lick to do withthis? #hp

15 Jul Ian McK is totally right about words. #hp

15 Jul I’ll take the northeast Regional, if you please. #hp

15 Jul Did Ian Mc’ just call Harry a whore…crux? #hp

15 Jul That shot of a bleeding old man baby was maybe a second too long. #hp


15 Jul SHOWDOWN. #hp

15 Jul Circle of dead people uttering platitudes. #hp

15 Jul Oh, you’re a hologram. #hp

15 Jul And psychologists. Seriously, teenagers, don’t kill yourselves. #hp

15 Jul That’s a lot of stairs. #hp

15 Jul WHAT THE HELL is a whore crux? #hp

15 Jul This is what happens when you lay off librarians. #hp

15 Jul Deer made of stars. Anyone want mutual funds? #hp

15 Jul Magic in this movie looks a lot like Listerine. #hp

15 Jul Gratuitous owl shot and crying fat baby. #hp

15 Jul Remind me to never dunk my head in a floating bowl of swirling ink. #hp

15 Jul Alan Rickman as Ozzy Osbourne is now chatting up Ian McKellen as St. Peter about a baby in a cradle. #hp

15 Jul WTF!? #hp


15 Jul Is this the start of breakfast in bed? #hp

15 Jul This is like a Mervyn’s ad shot by Annie Leibowitz after she blew up and got irrelevant. #hp

15 Jul Open threat of death via 007 franchise. #hp

15 Jul Harry Potter keeps staggering like a man who needs a sandwich. #hp

15 Jul Is that code for “I did yer mom?” #hp

15 Jul “Quick, a flask! Anything!” #hp

15 Jul It’s like watching The Wire, starting at the episode where Avon has Stringer killed. #hp

15 Jul So THAT’S Snape. #hp

15 Jul No-Nose us insecure. #hp

15 Jul Giant in a loincloth is threshing wheat, except the wheat is people. #hp

15 Jul WTF is a motherfucking whore crux!?!?!? #hp

15 Jul Methinks Lennon glasses and No-Nose will have a “you complete me” moment before this is over. #hp

15 Jul Fire snake via indiana jones. (Hree bad guys via The Matrix. Gratuitous jewelry shot via LOTR. #hp

15 Jul That’s an awesome tiara, dude. #hp

15 Jul Is this the supply closet? #hp

15 Jul Now I’m really confused. #hp

15 Jul Fair isle sweater LIVES. #hp

15 Jul Lay off the eyeliner, man. #hp

15 Jul Get drenched. Make out. Applause. #hp

15 Jul Heorge Harris : HP :: Samuel L Jackson : Star Wars prequels? #hp

15 Jul This is like that awesome European flight path infographic. #hp

15 Jul This would be an awesome Max Fischer play. #hp

15 Jul “You’re the New York Times. “#hp

15 Jul *applause* #hp

15 Jul Voldemort. He’s a Republican, right? #hp

15 Jul His name is really Long Bottom? #hp

15 Jul Is Harry Potter like the Max Fischer of this place? #hp

15 Jul CAT. #hp

15 Jul OMG it’s a Tarantino scene with Bic pens and fire. #hp

15 Jul Alan Rickman as Ozzy Osbourne. #hp

15 Jul Okay, it’s at a private school. Girls in ties earlier now making sense. #hp

15 Jul Yes, please tell us what a bloody didem is. And why are people laughing now? #hp

15 Jul Sweater vests are apparently popular here. #hp

15 Jul Girl in the painting TURNED AROUND AND LEFT. #hp

15 Jul Girl in the painting TURNED AROUND AND LEFty. #hp

15 Jul Butterbeer looks like regular beer but with a really big head. #hp

15 Jul They can fucking teleport!? #hp

15 Jul And everyone’s getting naked. In a shot from a Michael Bay movie. #hp

15 Jul ACID FLASHBACK feat. Man with no nose. #hp

15 Jul Where DOES one get pinstripe suits in these wee sizes? #hp

15 Jul This is like a deBeers commercial gone horribly wrong.#hp

15 Jul There are Ferengis taunting an albino dragon. #hp

15 Jul And rollercoasters. #hp

15 Jul Um…was that a scene from the Bourne trilogy but ended with a roofie? #hp

15 Jul And in walks Helena Bonham-Carter… #hp

15 Jul Should I know what a horcrux is? #hp

15 Jul Someone TP’d the floating statues… #hp

15 Jul RT @Sheep4Ore: @matthewmarco Is that the sequel to HP and the Shredder of Doom?

14 Jul Storage Wars?!? What the fuck is this shit? #hp

14 Jul “To hear your voice, come out of a Smurf, is amazing.” #hp

14 Jul I am sitting in the second row. I may end up just tweeting what appears in the lower-right corner of the shot. #hp

14 Jul There’s a high school graduate holding a plant, getting his picture taken with an iPad at the front row. #hp

14 Jul SPOILER ALERT: I am going to be live-tweeting H.P. and the Toner of Secrets for the next 3 hours. #hp

14 Jul Okay, so is this movie just high school graduates and girls in neckties? #hp

14 Jul Is someone graduating? #hp

14 Jul Also, having learned from #bee11, I should charge my phone completely.

14 Jul Will they have an actor say ‘previously on Harry Potter,’ followed by a montage to acquaint new viewers? #hp

14 Jul @brannonc I didn’t actually know that. I’m also afraid to find out what “Hogwarts” are.

14 Jul Aforementioned Slate article: (via @DJonRoberts).

14 Jul I may also do this with the last Twilight movie. I should note I actually know more about Twilight than HP at this point.

14 Jul With that in mind, I may live-blog tonight’s proceedings. Like the Slate article but with more profanity.

14 Jul What I know about Harry Potter: he has 2 sidekicks, a girl and a redhead. There’s something called butter beer. And Snape kills Dumbledore.

14 Jul SPOILER ALERT: I will be watching Harry Potter at midnight. I’ve never read an HP book or seen an HP movie before today.

Acknowledgements: Cardigan and coordination by Christina. Tickets acquired by Hannah. Toner of Secrets illustration by Will.

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